she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
