just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drake has all the answers
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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