just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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