Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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