Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We were destined to go to rehab together
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
