I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
