i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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