dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So. Much. Porn.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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