OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
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