This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
