So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
