wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
