Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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