well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
