i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
40s are totally the cure
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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