Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
