mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
