do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
