Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
