u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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