please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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