So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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