can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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