Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
