Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
