Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
