I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
