Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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