i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
