if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
