So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize