I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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