Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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