Tell her she can't have a vagina
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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