I'm so fucking centered right now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
