if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
