So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize