i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
