Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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