My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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