Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
