Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
