I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
