is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
