omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
