I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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