The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize