I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
