i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
