i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
