wrigley field is MILF paradise
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize