I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize