I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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