I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize