Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
