You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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