bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
