i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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