Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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