My room smells like vodka and shame
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
