im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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