Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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