Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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