I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
