You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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