And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize