so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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