Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
