just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize